


lightning in your eyes (darling please don't cry)

by buttercupsanddandelions



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Child Neglect, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kinda Frozen Au but not really, M/M, relationships will happen just not yet, renfri and jaskier are siblings, reupload
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 10:33:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22968538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttercupsanddandelions/pseuds/buttercupsanddandelions
Summary: If you asked anyone to describe Renfri with one word they would use tempestuous. The future Queen of Creyden was only 18 and was already someone to be reckoned with. That is of course if anyone had the balls to look her in the eyes.Renfri was born with a strange affliction. Magic, some would call it or at least those in polite societies. Chaos for those with intimate knowledge of how magic is wrought. And for the common folk, to them Princess Renfri was born with a curse.The girl held lightning in her eyes.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion & Renfri | Shrike, Renfri | Shrike & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Renfri | Shrike/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 18
Kudos: 88





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you read the summary and thought man this is familiar it's because it is!
> 
> I deleted the first draft because I actually sat out and wrote a comprehensive outline of what I want to happen and that meant some major rewrites so here we are. We have more detail, more dialogue, more sibling bullshit because as a person with two of them I have way too much experience this.
> 
> So hopefully y'all will enjoy and please leave kudos and comments!

If you asked anyone to describe Renfri with one word they would use tempestuous. The future Queen of Creyden was only 18 and was already someone to be reckoned with. That is of course if anyone had the balls to look her in the eyes.

Renfri was born with a strange affliction. Magic, some would call it or at least those in polite societies. Chaos for those with intimate knowledge of how magic is wrought. And for the common folk, to them Princess Renfri was born with a curse.

The girl held lightning in her eyes.

If one could look, though no one ever did, they could see the warm honey brown of her irises exuding a resilient kind of strength, but it was all overshadowed by the flashes of lightning that never seemed to still. Round and round her eyes it went with not one person daring to glimpse in fear of unleashing that lightning upon themselves and with it her curse.

There was only ever one person who dared to look into her eyes, not the lightning, never the lightning, just the person underneath all the terror.

Jaskier.

Or Julian really, only his parents and other nobility called him by his first name. To everyone else he was simply  _ Jaskier.  _

Jaskier was a gift to them all really. There had been whispers of the King and Queen making a deal with a devil for a chance at another child, a normal child, and surely the Gods would punish them with another accursed babe. 

Then Jaskier was born on a spring day with a scream that could make ears bleed and a head full of chestnut curls. Fortunately that was the only resemblance he had to his dear older sister. It felt like the entire castle exhaled with relief when his eyes opened to show cornflower blue irises.

No hint of lightning at all.

At first Renfri wanted nothing to do with the new baby in her home. Like all people who suddenly found themselves with a new sibling she was jealous. She could see the attention Jaskier received from everyone who met him and it hurt because in all her five years she couldn’t recall ever being treated like that, like something to be treasured, precious.

And of course there were whispers that weren’t really whispers, of removing Renfri from the line of succession, of making Jaskier heir in her rightful place, for who would want to obey a Queen that could cause such terror at her tender age. 

However as she grew older and it became obvious to the people that of the two potential heirs only one of them actually paid attention to their lessons while the other roamed freely laying their charm upon anyone who would listen the whispers started to quiet until nobody could remember why they wouldn’t want Renfri as Queen. If she could make her people cower in fear, what could she do to any upstart that tried to hurt the kingdom?

So the people grew to appreciate the young Princess and indulged in the whims of their even younger Prince.

It wasn’t a terrible thing to do, indulging the Prince. As he grew older he only became more aware of his looks and social status and used it to his advantage, batting big blue eyes when the cooks would scold him for taking sweets and then suddenly have them heap handfuls of sweets for later or pouting when the guards wouldn’t let him into the village and then having them accompany him as he made his way to the markets. 

His favorite skill was playing the lute, the one instrument he has grown too attached to during his music lessons. He simply enjoyed the sounds he could produce when he strummed the strings and when he decided to sing along and found that people stopped to listen, well he always did love being the center of attention.

Those moments though when he would sing and he would have an audience of whoever was in the vicinity at his feet were always the moment when Renfri would show up and with one scathing glare the crowd would disperse and Jaskier would be dragged to whatever lesson he decided to skeeve off of.

“You know you can’t just sing to get out of everything right?” Renfri growls at him as she clenches at his skinny arm, he most definitely needs to participate in more sword fighting training or at the very least archery training instead of leaving Renfri to herself to learn everything.

Jaskier grumbles, “Well I don’t see why not? They certainly appreciate my talents and who am I to deny my loving audience.”

“You’re twelve you shouldn’t have an audience at all loving or not.” 

They arrive outside of the many studies, “Uh, Renfri?” her hand pauses at the door, “what tutor is in there because I simply cannot remember and if it is that pervert Stregobor then I absolutely refuse to go in there.”

Renfri smiles to herself, she didn’t think Jaskier heard the comments Stregobor made about her eyes and what other powers Renfri could have. Jaskier may be twelve and may already be kind of a dick but at least he was loyal.

“You’d really think I’d drag you to see that idiot and have him put utter bullshit in your head? No, it’s Tissaia and forewarning,” She pauses to whisper in his ear, “she seemed a bit bitchy earlier so cool it on your blabbering.” She pulls away to knock on the door, “I would hate to explain to mom and dad why their precious son has been turned into his namesake because he pissed off a powerful mage.”

Jaskier blushes, “She wouldn’t turn me into a-” he is stopped by the door opening and the appearance of aforementioned mage.

“Prince Julian,” Tissaia says cooly, “you’re late.” She spins on her heel and enters the room leaving no question that Jaskiel  _ will _ follow.

Jaskier lays a hand on Renfri’s shoulder, “Ren, it’s been nice knowing you, make sure there are only dandelions and buttercups at my funeral would you?” and he follows his tutor into the room and the door closes behind him.

Renfri shakes her head, a snort from her nose and mumbles, “Idiot.” She then continues down the hallway at a meandering pace, she has her own personal lessons to attend to with her father and gods know she’ll need all her patience for that.

* * *

  
  


It is late in the evening when there’s a knock at Renfri’s door. 

Her heartbeat quickens before remembering that if it was an actual threat they wouldn’t do her the courtesy of knocking on the door.

She is correct in that it isn’t a threat to her safety but it is a threat to her sanity.

“Jaskier what are you doing out of bed so late? How’d you even get here? Aren’t there guards?” She goes to peek her head out to check for the guards that are usually staked out in the hallways but is pushed back into her room by Jaskier’s meager weight.

As soon as they’re both in he shuts the door quietly and asks, “Ren do you know what day it is tomorrow?”

“Really? All this secrecy and sneaking out because you forgot you have a calendar?” Renfri is irritated, she had been getting ready for bed after a torturously long lesson on trade routes and relations with other kingdoms.

Jaskier struts around the room like it’s his own and plops himself on her bed, “You are actually the worst sister in the world, like you  _ will  _ be known throughout history for being needlessly cruel to your adorable baby brother.”

“I thought I’d be known for my curse but sure whatever you say Jask.” She considers the complaints she would have to hear if she kicks him off her bed before deciding it’s not worth it and lays next to him.

Jaskier turns to his side, chin held up by his palm, “Tomorrow, your forgetfulness, is my birthday. My 13th birthday to be exact and we both know what that means.” He wiggles his eyebrows and is rewarded with a smack to his head.

Renfri does know what he means, tomorrow Jaskier will be considered a man in society’s eyes and with it all the implications of what being adult means. He can be courted by society climbers or sold off to the highest bidder because even though he is the Pankratz’ sole son, he is not the heir to their kingdom.

She grimaces at the thought of her dumb little brother being whisked away to live the rest of his life in some foreign kingdoms courts. Jaskier belongs in Creyden where he can sing to his heart’s content and annoy Renfri for the rest of her life.

“So, what are you going to do? Has mom mentioned any plans to you?” She hopes her mother’s loose lips released anything in Jaskier’s nosy vicinity but he only shakes his head no.

“Well fuck Jaskier what am I supposed to do, order mom and dad to deny every suitor clamoring for your hand, threaten to use my eyes on them or something?” It hurts even after all this time that her curse is a plausible threat to her parents who still refuse to make eye contact with her.

The hurt lessens when she looks back up from the bedspread to see Jaskier looking at her eyes, “I don’t know. Do you think it would work? I mean looking at your eyes doesn’t actually do anything considering I’ve been doing it all my life and nothing bad has happened to me.” His hand lifts to press to the corner of her eyes but she rolls away and stands.

“What did you actually come in here for Jask because if it was just to have a sleepover I will kick your ass, birthday tomorrow nonwithstanding.” Her hands move to her hips to display her point.

Jaskier sits up, “Okay I actually did have a favor to ask of you, well a request really, and seeing as how you  _ forgot  _ my birthday is tomorrow you can consider it my birthday present.” He finishes with a shit-eating grin and by the gods Renfri wants to slap him so bad but the effort to reach him is not worth it.

She closes her eyes and sighs, “What do you want you demon.”

Jaskier laughs all bright and bell-like and she knows she’s going to regret asking.

* * *

  
  


Renfri is going to kill him. Fuck all her previous worries about his fate she’ll never have to worry about it if he dies before his birthday.

“It didn’t occur to you to ask for, oh I don’t know, a free get out of lessons card?” She complains as she leads the way into the surrounding forest of their home.

“No, why would I ask for that when you’d do it anyway.” She glances back and there’s that shit-eating grin again.

Renfri clenches her fists,  _ next time _ , and pushes forward, “You don’t know shit.”

Jaskier laughs as he reaches her, “I do know some things like why I wanted to come to the forests.” He pushes her shoulder and marches forward, his long legs making it easy to keep ahead of her.

“That doesn’t count and you know it.” She struggles to reach him but they eventually walk at an equal pace.

Jaskier looks toward the moon that lights their path, “Aren’t you even going to ask? You were just like, ‘ _ fine’  _ and then all grumpy,” he starts walking backwards, “like this.” He then does a godawful impersonation of Renfri’s glare and she can’t help but laugh because seeing anger on Jaskier is a strange sight for how rarely he gets angry.

She points at him, “If you keep doing that face it’s going to get stuck like that and I don’t want to hear your bitching when that happens.”

Jaskier switches gears and gasps impossibly loud, “Why Renfri are you insinuating that you would miss my adorable face if anything ever happened to it? I say, it truly must be my birthday tomorrow for that is the greatest gift you can bestow on your poor forgotten brother.”

Renfri rolls her eyes, “You know you forgot to tell me why we’re here in the first place.”

He stops his theatrics, “Oh yeah I forgot.”

Renfri pauses in her step, “You forgot why we’re out here or forgot to tell me?”

Jaskier stops as well, “Forgot to tell you. I wouldn’t forget why we’re here because contrary to popular belief I don’t actually have a death wish.”

“Could’ve fooled me with all your escapades outside of the castle.” Renfri mumbles. “Well go on and tell me then, impress me with whatever knowledge you have on this forest that I don’t already know.”

Jaskier takes a deep breath and starts, “I have heard from multiple sources that the forest outside of our very home contains multiple creatures great and small but none more impressive than the forest spirits that come out when the moon is high with a shine brighter than the sun and can grant any boon to those who find them.”

Renfri breathes, finds it doesn’t help, walks away and then walks back, “Jaskier you are so fucking stupid it’s a wonder you know how to breathe every time you need to.”

“That’s not very nice.”

“No Julien it isn’t. And you know what else isn’t nice? Dragging your sister out from her bed because you were too scared to go to the forest alone. And all for what, a fairytale from the servants who still baby you?”

She turns to yell at him some more because it feels  _ good _ to get the anger out, she never can because anyone else would be too scared of what might happen from her curse.

But when she turns all the wind is knocked out of her sail because Jaskier is crying, big fat tears dropping down fast down his reddened cheeks, and yes she meant for him to feel bad for having them come out here in the middle of the night she hadn’t meant for him to  _ cry. _

“I thought if we found the forest spirits I could ask for them to break your curse that way no one else would be afraid of you.” His voice is thick with tears but he makes himself heard.

And there’s the guilt and shame and gods she really is the world’s most terrible sister. She takes a hesitant step forward and when he doesn’t flinch or step back she takes another until she can pull him into a hug.

Jaskier breaks down into her shoulder, he has to bend to reach it because despite being 18 Renfri is still so  _ short. _

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out, “I really thought we’d find something out here.” He pulls away to wipe at the snot dripping from his nose with the back of his hand.

Renfri grimaces, “Don’t do that,” she pulls off the pack at her back and digs through it to get at the handkerchief she  _ knows  _ she stuffed in there. She’s successful and pinches at his nostrils with it, “Blow,” and when he does so she hands it over so that he could wipe his tears.

“And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that, it wasn’t fair.” She looks down towards her booted feet unable to face his wide glance.

“It wasn’t fair, but I think I understand why you did it.” And at that she glances up, “You can’t get mad at anyone, not really, because they think you would physically blow them up with your eyes right?” At her nod he continues, “Plus you  _ were _ right, it was dangerous to come out here for a story.”

Renfri smiles softly and hugs him again, “When did you grow up?”

He chuckles into her hair, “Well it is my coming of age tomorrow or is it right now?” He looks up toward the sky, his chin resting at the top of her head, “it’s right now and I guess when you become a man you get all this cool knowledge of how to sound mature.”

“Condescending and cocky? You’re a man alright.” She pulls away, “Ready to go home Mr. Man?”

Jaskier smiles wide, a little dim due to the redness in his eyes but still bright. “Why yes I am kind sir, lead the way.” He points toward the spires of the castle in the distance and Renfri uses the opportunity to grab his hand.

“Come on Jaskier.” She says softly and starts walking homeward bound, the weight of Jaskier’s palm in hers an anchoring weight, she didn’t ruin this, ruin them. Jaskier is still here and maybe everything will be alright.

* * *

  
  


“Do you remember how long it took us to get here?” Jaskier asks breaking the silence.

Renfri furrows her brows, it did not take that long, maybe an hour, but it feels like they’ve been walking all night yet the moon still hangs overhead. 

Something is wrong.

The crunch of their footsteps is interrupted by the rustling of underbrush. It sends chills down her spine and Jaskier must feel it too because suddenly he’s gripping her hand too tight.

He whispers, “Did you hear that?”

She nods in affirmation and pulls him along as she starts walking faster toward the spires and the distant lights.

“What are we going to do?” He whispers again but this time it’s more panicked and this is not what Renfri needs right now.

“Nothing.” her response leaves him wanting as she quickens their pace once more but the rustling becomes louder as whatever it is draws near.

Renfri has nothing but a couple of daggers on her person because taking anything else would’ve been too loud for their escape from their guards. But now she regrets not taking anything that can do more substantial damage especially with Jaskier looking as pale as he does.

A twig is stepped on right behind them; Renfri doesn’t turn to see what it is, she just breaks into a sprint and hopes Jaskier doesn’t trip as he is pulled to follow.

The creature lets out a roar that threatens to crumble the very ground they’re on but still they try to escape it. And despite Renfri’s wishes earlier, or maybe in spite of, it is she that trips on a precariously laid tree root and they both crash hard into the ground.

They finally get a glimpse of what has been chasing them and it burns itself into the back of her eyelids because this is what’s going to kill them, Jaskier will never see his birthday, and Renfri feels sick.

The creature is humanoid shaped but that’s where it’s similarity to humanity ceases. It’s skin is covered in scars and it’s mouth is full of sharp teeth, sharp enough to tear through flesh and bones.

It’s hideous and this is not the way Renfri planned to leave this world so she stands slowly as the creature closes in. 

She grabs at Jaskier and nudges him to stand behind her as she pulls her dagger out of its sheath, “Run when I tell you, I’ll try to hold it off.”

Renfri doesn’t check to see if Jaskier understood what she tells him before throwing herself at the creature.

It hardly budges as she tries to tackle it, she crouches low as it swings its arm around and then backs away. They circle each other, the creature keeps trying to knock her off her feet but she is too quick and dodges out of every attempt. 

She lets it get close so that she can swipe a dagger here and there and soon enough the creature’s body is littered with stinging cuts, not enough to kill it but enough to distract it to allow Jaskier to escape.

And yet when she looks towards the direction Jaskier should have been running in he’s not there. She has to roll out of the way of another punch and what do you know there’s Jaskier.

He starts singing, she can’t pay attention to the words because they’re nonsense but it’s enough to distract the creature as it ambles its way toward him. It gets too close and Jaskier can’t even tell because his eyes are closed but he continues to sing.

Renfri stalks toward the creature ready to end it all when Jaskier opens his eyes. He sees how close the creature got to him and he can’t help but scream and with it his song has ended and his hold on the creature is no more.

She’s not going to reach him in time to save him and she’s going to have to watch this thing, a monster, kill her brother.

Her little brother who always sought her out despite being told to fuck off multiple times, her little brother who loved arguing with her for arguments sake, her little brother who received numerous warnings but never once hesitated to look at his sister’s cursed eyes.

She screams, “Jaskier!” 

And all is white.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: mentions of killing children

Renfri wakes to the scent of lilac and gooseberries. It makes her nostrils flare and brows furrow because her room usually smells of apples and cinnamon so this must not be her room. And if it isn’t her room then where was she?

She makes an attempt to open her eyes but a melodious voice calls out, “You might not want to do that just yet dear Princess.”

“And who the fuck are you to be telling me what to do.” Renfri rises from her sprawled out position on the floor and feels the cool packed dirt under her palms.

The voice chuckles and it spends a chill down her spine, “I’m the person currently saving your life. Now, here drink this should help with your sight.” There’s a notion of movement to her right and Renfri tilts her head to follow it.

Her hand is pulled from the floor and then there is a flask pressed into her dirtied palms, “How do I know you didn’t poison this?” She tries to sniff it to see if she can parse out what’s in it but there’s a hand covering hers that pushes until the flask is pressed to her lips.

The person’s other hand rests at the back of her neck and it shouldn’t feel as good as it does, “Guess you’re just going to have trust me Princess.” 

Renfri resigns herself to her fate and downs the contents of the flask. It burns going down and rests uneasy in her gut but she can feel the ignored pain radiating from her eyes leech away and hesitantly opens them only to meet a pair of violet eyes.

They’re _pretty._

And so is the person they’re attached to, a woman with luscious black locks that hangs to her waist and a pair of painted red lips that curve into a beautiful smile and of course there’s those eyes. A pair of eyes that are looking right through her.

“What brings a pretty thing like you out here?” Renfri can’t stop the words coming from her mouth. She feels the blush burn on her cheeks but refuses to break the eye contact out of sheer spite.

The woman doesn’t even react to Renfri’s poor flirting, “Well your light show for one was difficult to ignore and I could never ignore a damsel in distress. Tedious really, but I remember wanting to be rescued once so here we are.” 

And while Renfri would really like to get back to wherever _that_ conversation was going she focuses on the first part of the woman’s sentence, “Light show?”

The woman answers, “Yes, I assumed it had something to do with those interesting eyes of yours and seeing as how the young Prince is in the state he is, well you’ll see.” She gracefully lifts herself from the floor and lends a hand to help Renfri stand as well. “Just a warning, it’s not pretty, whatever happened to him but I will try to help him.”

Renfri’s breath starts to come in pants as she recognizes the figure laid against the trunk of a tree. She releases the hand of the woman and runs the rest of the way only to collapse next to her brother.

“Jaskier?” Her hand hovers over his face, “What’s wrong with him?” She turns to ask the woman who stands only a few paces back.

The woman slowly makes her way over and kneels on the other side of Jaskier’s body. “When I found him I first thought that he had simply passed out from whatever came from you. I then checked to see if he had a concussion by gauging his pupillary response and, well Princess you’re not going to like this.” 

She grasps Jaskier’s chin and Renfri stills as her other hand delicately peels his eyelid upward to reveal his pupil and _that_ was why she was warned because Jaskier’s blue eyes aren’t blue anymore.

His eye is full of lightning and for once Renfri understands why people can never look at her directly. 

It’s terrifying to see and unnatural and looks like it should hurt and how does Jaskier make it a point to seek her company out if he has to look at _this_? 

She feels sick and she needs to leave, to run away because she did this to him. Whatever shot out of her has wormed its way into Jaskier’s body and he wasn’t meant to live like that. To put that invisible set of armor on everyday and walk around knowing that it dented more and more but never letting people see. If they could see how much it hurt they would eat her alive no matter the status her blood granted her.

“Where do you think you’re going?” The woman calls out after her and Renfri didn’t even realize that she had stood up, had stumbled away from them.

Renfri takes a deep breath and tries to calm herself, finds her anchor, “Can you take it away? The lightning? Can you give it back to me?” She doesn’t know if it’s possible, after all no mage had been able to break Renfri’s curse. But if there was any slim possibility of taking it from Jaskier then she needed to know if this sorceress could do something, _anything_ , to spare him.

“You set your expectations impossibly high Princess,” she pauses, “but you’ll find that I can surpass all of them.” Her hand covers Jaskiers eyes and glows with chaos, “The magic in his eyes knows it doesn’t belong with him, it’s screaming to get out.” Her other arm lifts into the air and with a crack lightning surges through the sorceresses body and escapes from her fingertips alighting the sky.

That should have been it, release the lightning and then everything goes back to normal. Sure Renfri would miss this strange woman who decided to take pity on a couple of idiot royals but at least Jaskier was alright.

But that would mean this was a fairytale.

The lightning is gone from Jaskiers eyes but it has left its mark on his body. There are angry red lines in the form of lightning branching from his forehead to the tops of his cheekbones marring his porcelain skin. He is going to be so upset when he wakes up and sees his looks tarnished, he is going to wake up and know how he got those scars.

Renfri hovers over him, too afraid to touch him after everything that this disastrous night has brought, “I know you’re probably tired from the whole magic thing, but is there a way to fix this?” She gestures to the marks, “It’s just that Jaskier treasures his looks and I don’t want to hear his bitching later for ruining his face.”

“Do you always use humor as a coping mechanism? No, don't answer that. But as to answer _your_ question, no. All magic comes at a cost and the payment for this was the Prince’s fair face.” At least she sounds guilty as she announces it little it does soothe Renfri’s own guilt.

Renfri looks across Jaskiers body to the sorceress, “Well can I at least have the name of the woman whom signed my death warrant because my parents are going to kill me for this.”

“Yennefer of Vengerberg, at your service, your highness.”

* * *

  
  


Jaskier was a lanky child, he was a head taller than Renfri but was so light that Renfri keeps looking at him bundled in her arms just to make sure that he’s still there. She lays him gently into his bed and covers him with a fur blanket. 

He is safe now and that’s all that matters. The beast didn’t kill him, Renfri didn’t kill him, and Yennefer didn’t kill him. 

When did Jaskier become so lucky?

"Is he all settled then?" Yennefer asks from her position beside the door. She looks so out of place there in Jaskier's colorful room, her figure dressed in black.

Renfri walks away from Jaskier's bed, "Yes he should be fine for the night. Thank you again for the portal, and the whole saving our lives bit. Well, jury's still out on whether I'll survive tomorrow but we'll get there when we get there I suppose."

" _I_ suppose I'll be leaving then," Yennefer conjures up another portal, this one leading to some warm looking place with a fireplace roaring in the distance, "Good luck princess, in explaining all this to your mother."

Yennefer moves forward to leave but Renfri grabs her arm, "I wanted to ask you," Renfri's interrupted by a hand covering her mouth. Her eyes cross when she tries to look at the hand brave enough to get so close to her.

"No more questions, it's late," Yennefer in turn stops when Renfri licks her hand. "Thank you for that," she pulls a handkerchief out from one of the pockets she has somewhere and wipes the spit up, "Well, I was going to say you need your beauty sleep but it looks like you really need some manners. " Yennefer throws the handkerchief and it disappears before it hits the floor, "Goodnight princess."

And just like that she's gone leaving nothing but a hint of lilac and gooseberries in the air. 

Renfri smiles to herself but Yennefer was right, it is late and she could use some sleep.

She leaves his room and creeps into hers, evading the guards that walk their patrol routes with an ease born from years of sneaking around. She’s ready to drop into her bed and enjoy the last sleep she’s going to get because she just knows that her parents won’t let this go.

It’s not that Jaskier is their golden child, it’s the fact that the scar will show that Renfri had lost control and hurt someone. That someone being the closest person in her life does little to lessen the shame that burns inside of her. She needs to sleep, sleep this all away. Tomorrow’s a new day as the saying goes.

It’s the last peaceful sleep she’s going to get but it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it.

* * *

When Renfri awakens the next day it is too silent. She thought there would be screams and a mob forming from the servants who love to listen to Jaskier singing and yet there’s nothing.

If it was truly Jaskier’s birthday today then there should’ve been a feast, a celebration, a something. 

She’s still wearing her mussed up clothing from last night’s expedition but she treks out of her room anyway towards Jaskiers. The guards that line the hallway don’t look at her, normally they don’t, but now it’s as if they’re _ignoring_ her and it rubs her the wrong way setting her nerves alight.

The door to Jaskier’s room is ajar and Renfri doesn’t know if it’s a good thing or not. She tries to peek through the crack but is halted by a call of her name.

“Renfri, my study, now.” The voice of her mother, Deidre, books no arguments and even though she doesn’t get the chance to affirm to herself that Jaskier isn’t traumatized from last night she doesn’t want to start the day with fighting.

She hates following her mother’s brightly colored figure, hates the memories of chasing after her for so long until one day Renfri just _stopped_ chasing. And yet she follows anyway, she knows whats coming and is resigned to her fate.

When they enter the study, a warm room full of her mother’s favorite things, Renfri plops herself sideways into one of the two chairs in front of a sturdy oak desk. Her legs dangle over the arm of the chair and as she tries to stretch to see if she can reach for the other chair her mother slaps at her calf, “Must you dirty my things?” Deidre sits gracefully in her own chair, making a point of sitting straight and steady.

“The way I see it, it’s all going to belong to me anyway,” Renfri tosses her head back, “and we both know I don’t mind a little mess.”

“Like the little mess you’ve made of Julian’s face?” 

Renfri is used to not receiving affection from either of her parents, and it was fine really, Jaskier more than made up for it with how much of a puppy he was. But this, this cold seething tone sets her spine to shiver, “So you’ve noticed. What are you going to do about it?” Renfri brings her legs inward until she can rest her chin on her knees, “You going to send me away? Tell everyone how much of a monster I am? Bet you can’t wait for that.” Renfri already knows her mother won’t make eye contact with her but it doesn’t stop her from trying to pin her gaze. “Bet you’ve waited my whole life to get rid of me.”

“You’re right.” Hearing it said aloud shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, and yet, and yet, and yet, Renfri hurts. “The moment you opened your eyes I wanted to be rid of you but that damned mage warned Alfred and I that without you our kingdom will falter and burn and as much as I hated you I couldn’t let everything my family fought for be for nothing, so here we are.”

Deidre looks unfazed and Renfri both hates and envies her for it, “Is that why I stayed the heir even though Jaskier was born? Because of some warning?”

She laughs, a cold harsh sound, “You’d really think we would let the idiot become king?” It rubs her the wrong way, the way her own mother calls Jaskier an idiot, Renfri knows she does the same but she doesn’t _mean it_. “No, we waited a few years to see how he’d turn out. We had such high hopes for him and he squandered it with his prancing around with his stupid little songs and ill-begotten lute. He would never survive as king and our kingdom would’ve been lost either way, at least you were made of sturdier stuff.”

Renfri feels cold inside, she wants to scream, to do something, but she knows that if she tries the guards would be in here faster than anything so she refrains. “Do you need to be so cruel about it?” She glares at the grains of wood on the desk, “That is your son you’re talking about.”

“And I wanted to kill my daughter, really dear it’s like you know nothing about me.” Deidre taps the space Renfri is still glaring at, “Speaking of my son, we do need to discuss your punishment.”

Renfri tries to catch her gaze but Deidre avoids it with ease, “I didn’t know I had a say in this.”

“I was thinking of sending him to some temple school. Hopefully they could beat some manners into him, gods know he hasn’t learned any here with how many lessons he’s skipped. Maybe Oxenfurt, I don’t know, what do you suggest Renfri, temple school or the Academy?” 

“The Academy.”

“Temple school it is then.” 

Deidre stands to leave but is stopped by the crushing grip on her wrist, “You can’t send him there, he wouldn’t last a week.” Renfri’s nails dig into Deidre's skin but Deidre does nothing to stop her.

“I can send him anywhere I like Renfri, I am Queen. And don’t worry, I won’t forget to mention to Julian who it was that suggested where he should go.” Deidre taps Renfri’s hand and in shock Renfri lets go.

Deidre waltzes out of the room, “Do make sure the princess is escorted to her room and stays there, I am afraid she’s had quite a shock.”

Renfri is in a daze as she leaves the study. The guards already hover over her, not quite touching her but also leaving no room to maneuver out of their path. 

As she enters her chambers she wishes she could go back in time, to where she stood outside Jaskier’s room. She wishes she ignored her mother’s call and had checked on him, had made sure there was no hint of lightning run through him. She wishes she got to see his blue eyes once more.

Renfri doesn’t get to see Jaskier as he’s escorted to a far off temple school.

Renfri doesn’t get to see Jaskier for another five years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hated writing Deidre and wow what a shitty name I gave her but whatever I hate her so


	3. Chapter 3

Jaskier used to believe that it was he and Renfri versus the world, that she would always have his back no matter what situation he got himself into. And yeah, most of the time she would end up chewing him out later, but she was always there the next day to laugh at something stupid he had said.

And then he woke up on his 13th birthday to a shiny new scar and the news that Renfri never wanted to see him again. Or at least she didn’t want to see him for a couple of years.

Sure, Renfri was the oldest, was the  _ heir _ , but did that really mean she got to decide his fate?

At least according to his mother she did. 

Deidre had entered his room with the smug air of a cat that captured a canary, it set his stomach to churn, his mother being smug was never good for anyone. She had strutted toward his bed only stopping at his bedside, not even daring to sit on his bed to comfort him. Not that he’d want it, no, he only wanted to see Renfri, let her know that he wasn’t upset that she scarred him. And he knew the scar must’ve been a hideous sight, going off of Deidre’s expression as her eyes roamed over his face lingering on his forehead. He lifted his hand to cover his face from her piercing stare when she spoke, “You shouldn’t try touching it Julian, we don’t know what magics could be lingering on you.”

She could’ve been a great actress for how concerned she sounded but even the greatest actress of all time couldn’t hide the glee in her eyes.

“How about we ask Renfri and see if she  _ magicked _ me instead of whatever you’re trying to do.” Jaskier crossed his arms and sat further up on his bed, “Or how about we call Renfri over so she can explain what happened to me.”

Deidre laughed and it’s such a shock that Jaskier faltered for a second, “What is it, why are you laughing?” He tried to hide the panic in his voice but failed when he saw Deidre smirk.

“Oh Julian, my sweet fool of a son, Renfri wants you  _ gone. _ ”

It’s as if the whole world loses color because that can’t  _ possibly _ be true because Renfri is his friend, his best friend, his big sister. Jaskier never had to live in a world without Renfri and couldn’t fathom the thought of going a day without teasing his sister or singing her a song that she pretended to hate but never asked him to stop or even just saying hello to her just so he can catch a glimpse of her eyes. For all that people feared her gaze Renfri had some of the most beautiful eyes Jaskier had ever seen, so bright, so full of life.

“You’re lying.” It’s the first thing he can think of to say because she has to be lying.

But her face, he wants to claw at it, wants to make her hurt, and he has never wanted anybody to hurt before, but now the urge is so hot and bright that he has to clench his fists into the sheets to control himself. “Renfri wants you to be sent away to temple school so you can finally have some manners beat into you. Lord knows you don’t learn anything here with her coddling you all the time.”

Jaskier rolled over in bed, giving up on any modicum of respect he can garner for his mother. He’s so tired and he doesn’t want to hear any of this. 

He wants Renfri but Renfri doesn’t want him.

“Don’t get too settled, you will be leaving before the end of the night.” Deidre gave up on trying to act the part of the concerned parent, after all there was no one there to fool anymore. She gave no other farewell as she left the room and Jaskier to his thoughts.

* * *

If Jaskier had to describe his time at the temple school he would have to go with torturous. The priestesses demanded silence from him, something that had once seemed so impossible because there is so much he has to tell the world. But after the first time he was caught singing and had a small audience enraptured he was told in no explicit terms that if he were to sing again in the temple’s halls he would soon find himself with no voice to sing at all.

So he grinned and beared it as much as he could with caning marks smarting all over his body and threats held over his head.

Every year he wrote to his mother begging her to allow him to attend Oxenfurt Academy instead, a place where he can hone his one talent, his one magic. She finally granted him permission after three.

Julian had entered the temple school but it was Jaskier who left. WIth his head held high he refused to acknowledge anyone as he exited the temple for the last time and entered the carriage that would carry him to his future. 

And what a bright future it was.

Oxenfurt with it’s grand towers and walls did remind him of home but it didn’t give him that sense of guilt being at home did. Guilt from not being enough for his parents or Renfri, he was never sure which one gave him greater shame. Probably Renfri, it was always Renfri.

But Oxenfurt at least let him play to his heart’s content as long as it did not intrude on his lessons and by Melitele did Jaskier attend so many lessons. He wanted to make sure he spent the most amount of time possible there. That way he could give Renfri more time to forgive him for whatever he did to hurt her. 

The only thing about Oxenfurt was that people there questioned his peculiar scar and at first he refused to give an answer, no one had ever asked him anything of the like at the temple school, no they just wanted to beat knowledge into him. 

Then he started to give out any excuse. He was struck by lightning while climbing a tree to save a cat, he was struck by lightning while singing and playing his lute, he was struck by lightning while running from a monster. The excuses always had a common theme, he was struck by lightning. 

And oh how his fellow students and professors ate it up, fawning over him while telling him how brave and hardy he must be to live through the ordeal. It always left a sour taste in his mouth.

It wasn’t an ordeal, it was his sister.

So to right the wrong he created her a ballad, and while Renfri may never hear him sing it personally, she would at least know it was him that wrote it and maybe she would forgive him and let him come home.

_ 'Cause I can hear the thunder from afar _ _   
_ _ A lightning in the dark _ _   
_ _ I can feel a fire come alive _ _   
_ _ So calm before the storm _ _   
_ _ So dark before the dawn _

_ And when you see the girl _ _   
_ _ With lightning in her eyes _ _   
_ _ Don’t be afraid _ _   
_ _ She brings me light _

_ She keeps me safe  _ _   
_ _ When hope is gone _ _   
_ _ And when she leaves _ _   
_ _ I’ll know the way _ _   
_ _ ‘Cause with her eyes _ _   
_ _ The storms at bay _

And okay maybe it’s not gonna win a bardic competition or anything he just wanted to write something to show that while Renfri hadn’t forgiven him, he had forgiven her for hurting him in the first place.

It’s only when he graduates summa cum laude that he’s finally allowed to come home, just in time for Renfri’s coronation.

* * *

Renfri has always hated her status as heir, but it’s something that she puts up with because gods know that Jaskier couldn’t be king. And at first it was a little inside joke between her and her brother, both knowing he was too soft to be in a position of actual authority. But then Deidre had to go and take that joke and ruin it with her callous words and rude dismissal of Jaskier from their home.

So Renfri bided her time, attending her lessons with her father and her many tutors that suddenly had even more time on their hands now that they weren’t trying to wrangle Jaskier into attending his own lessons. 

During this time Renfri had received a letter from a certain purple eyed sorceress. At first she wanted to burn it when she caught the faint scent of lilacs and gooseberries because Yennefer was another reminder that she had failed her duties as a big sister, she failed to protect Jaskier.

But there’s another part of her that remembers what it was like to share a room with her and to tease and to banter. And maybe Renfri couldn’t protect her relationship with her brother, but maybe she can protect whatever this is.

So she hides the letter in the hole she had slit into her mattress years prior and brings it out in the dead of night.

_ To my dearest Renfri, _

_ Word of your brother’s plight has spread across the continent and with it the further ruination of your already messy reputation. But fear not, for I combat those rumors everyday. And while you may think the words of a sorceress means little in the world of men you’ll find that my sisters and I hold a large sway in this world. _

_ But enough of that. I write to ask how you are doing because I cannot seem to rid you from my head no matter how I try. Maybe that is your curse, to never let anyone forget you dear shrike. So while I find myself with too much to do I still need to know if you are doing well considering everything.  _

_ You hold a great power princess if with one conversation you have stolen all my thoughts. Until we meet again my dear. _

_ Yennefer of Vengerberg _

Renfri can’t breathe. She’s never known if her face has ever been this hot and going by the state of it in her mirror she has turned into a tomato. She can’t possibly come up with a reply in this state and this lighting. She’ll have to wait for daytime to come up with a response and hope no one asks why she’s sending out a messenger bird when she’s received no messages.

Deidre can take away her closest relationship but she can’t stop this burgeoning one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short and sorry it's late but uh this quarantine has me writing all my WIPs except for this one apparently. Anyway what do y'all think of an Anastasia AU. Kinda like this where it's the bare bones of the idea but a different plot.
> 
> Anyway so the first stanza is from In Your Eyes by Robin Schulz and the other two stanzas are my own writing so sorry it's shitty. Let me know what you guys think in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> Do you ever just want to end your sibling for their sheer dumbassery but also want to end anyone or thing that tries?


End file.
